Stim

 
I have been trying to think of a funny way to use the word stim but I can't. Stimtastic! Stimmy McFlapperson! Ugh. He does this (pictured) a lot. Sometimes he likes to hold things in his hand and flip them near his head, toothbrushes, mostly. Mostly OUR toothbrushes, sad to say. I just bought like eight more for Mike and me tonight because seriously, we can never find our damned toothbrushes! Sometimes he hits himself in the head and jaw, which must feel good to him because of his sensory issues - he can see it and feel it! It doesn't bother me that he does it, but it bothers me that it bothers others. One time we were at a playgroup and he was doing it and these two girls, both about a year older than he were laughing at him. Of course, he didn't care but I did. I can still feel it. I wanted to SMACK those girls and they were little! I just - it brings up all these feelings that I have, I feel like they're making fun of me, like I am their age or something. I am getting hot just thinking about it. It's a terrible thing, to want your child to act normal so he doesn't get made fun of, and to want him to act however he needs to act to feel good and screw the world, at exactly the same time.

A Birth Story

This birth story is amazing and beautiful and I am a shallow person, but I can't get over how gorgeous the mom looks during delivery! Her eyeliner is perfect!

It was very painful for me to read this story - I sometimes think about how differently we would have received the news that Anthony had autism if we knew it right away, right when he was born. Some kids with autism have other problems too, so the parents know that there is something going on from the beginning of their lives. I know of moms whose kids have Down Syndrome who knew it before they were born. I know of moms whose kids were not going to survive outside of the womb. Oh, the pain! How do people stand the pain of having children? Everything makes you feel like your heart and all your nerve endings are now on the outside of your body, exposed to all the elements.

Three Years Old

The year Anthony turned three, he started school, which was huge. We had never left him anywhere before, and kind of before we knew it, he was off every day to school for three hours. His teacher was very good and experienced and she knew just how to treat us, and Anthony, to get us out of there and allow him to do his thing. He had occupational and speech therapy at school, with varying degrees of success. His OT was going on maternity leave almost immediately, and he missed a few sessions before his speech therapist told me that he wasn't getting any OT. I had to make a big stink to get someone to come in, and of course they told me that he was FOR SURE going to get it all made up, etc., etc.

We started him in private occupational therapy, too. Mike has a friend at work whose cousin has a son with autism and early on, she recommended lots and lots of therapy for Anthony, so that's what we were trying to do. Anthony seemed to do well in therapy, but he certainly never really took off talking like I have always dreamed he would.

I think, as I look at his blog, that this was his roughest year sleep wise. I hope the worst is not to come, but when I look at other people's blogs and read books about people with kids with autism, it doesn't look likely. I assume he has such trouble sleeping because of his sensory issues, which are profound. I personally think that even if he didn't have autism, he would have these sensory issues. I don't think he is too far on the autism spectrum, but he is so knotted up by sensory issues, I think it makes it worse. This is all speculation, natch.

We got him his evaluation for his ABA school when he was three, three and a half, really, but it would be six months before he started. He has made the most progress at his ABA school, but it is still such slow going, to me. He is still not toilet trained, and I don't know that we are much closer now than we were when he started working on it in school.

When he turned four, I had just had Veronica, Maria was 18 months old. I think I've said this elsewhere but he never really acknowledges Veronica. He will very occasionally pat her on the head but I think that's just to feel her hair! I hope that he gets some appreciation for these girls, Maria especially. She loves him so, so much and he coldly ignores her most of the time.