Fresh Hell

Anthony isn't toilet trained, he is not even close, actually. His developmental pediatrician told us that with sensory issues like he has, it will really be Anthony's choice when to start training. He said that Anthony won't model his behavior after ours. He'll be five in June and I am constantly on the lookout for signs that he is ready to start some kind of training. Since he's been in school, they have been working on a program with him and we do it too - he gets his own diaper (at school, we are lazy and just get it ourselves), has to pull up his own pants, throw away his diaper, just be more responsible for the whole thing.

Lately, Anthony has been taking off his diaper and it is driving me mad. Twice we've gone in in the morning and found him bare assed, and super wet. We have to strip his bed and get him cleaned up, which is bad enough, but I also FEEL bad, I feel bad that we are leaving him in there all night, all wet. So, I've started checking on him when I go to sleep and making sure that I don't see his pajama pants laying around. Last night he was up LATE, it was almost 10:00 when I went up and I checked on him and not only were his pajama pants on the floor, but so was his diaper, shredded into about a billion pieces. He was lying on his bed, with all those diaper remnants everywhere around him. I called Mike to help me and we brushed off his bed, swept the floor, got him re-dressed and said Good Night. "Good night", he answered. I said "I love you", and he said "I You" and that was that. I told him to leave his diaper on and he did.

I don't know if this means something. Is he ready to train? Should I have taken him in the bathroom and sat him on the toilet? I am reluctant to take him out of his room, since sometimes he thinks that means it's time to run all over the house. Maybe I should bring the potty chair in there when I go to check him?

Last weekend in church I saw a family with a bunch of kids, they were in the front row because they were having their baby baptized after Mass. I noticed their oldest was autistic, or at least that's what I figured. He was rocking and seemed pretty ticky, he seemed familiar. He got mad at one point in the Mass and the Dad was so, so nice with him. The kid kept STOMPING his foot and the dad just talked to him and calmed him. I noticed when the dad picked him up that the kid was still wearing diapers and I got so upset! I have no idea why, I don't care that Anthony isn't trained, he is working on a lot of things and that just isn't one of them right now. But man - I guess on some level it must bug me because BOY OH BOY was I upset. I couldn't stop crying, I made my sister cry, it was time for Communion, it was TOTALLY embarrassing. PLUS I felt like a jerk because that family was FINE, they seemed FINE. It was ME that I was crying for, which is completely selfish and not exactly how I try to be, especially in church! Sheesh!